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Hypothetical and Fun- Our Picks for the Most Interesting Paper Shredders on the Web

By Angela Altomare May 03, 2019

As a professional distributer of data destruction equipment, the experts at Whitaker Brothers are dedicated to reviewing and selecting the best paper shredders available on the market.  In this article, we have researched and discovered some of the most interesting, and phony, paper shredders presented on the web.  As shredder nerds, we could not pass up the opportunity to review some fun and over-the-top shredders.  These are not your average commercial or industrial shredders, meant for offices, mailrooms, production companies, etc.  These shredders will tear into your bank account, extremely heighten document safety, slash the past, and save tremendously on electricity bills.    

The Money Shredding Alarm Clock:

This hypothetical shredder acts as a dual alarm clock and paper shredder.  However, this classic looking alarm clock shredder does not destroy ordinary stacks of paper.  Instead, this clock will shred stacks of your money, providing the user with the best motivation possible for waking up on time.  Snoozing this clock will not only make you late for work, a meeting, class, etc: it will literally destroy your bank account.  Set this alarm clock to go off at your regular wake up time.  But beware- failure to shut this alarm off after that time will result in a farewell to your hard earned cash.  This strip cut style shredder will render your money unfit to be reused.  Stock this alarm shredder with $1’s, $5’s, $10’s, $100’s and so on.  The higher the currency, the greater the motivation.  Are you such a deep sleeper that not even a blow horn or earthquake can wake you up?  We recommend you place a lower-denomination bill into this shredder to begin with before you truly snooze and lose.  This money shredding alarm clock brings new meaning to the phrase “Time is Money.”  

The Shrinter®:

The next interesting and hoax shredder we discovered on ThinkGeek.com is the innovative and overwhelmingly secure Shrinter®.  Are you tired of the burdensome process of printing your most sensitive files only to have to shred them?  Maybe some of you don’t even own a deskside shredder, and are thus forced to pay extra to have your files destroyed.  Eliminate this arduous process thanks to the patented Shrinter®!  This amazing machine combines two of the most valuable office products in one, a printer and a shredder, guaranteeing you ultimate document safety and security.  Why simply delete files off of your computer when you can Shrint® them away? Perfect for any office, at home or at work!  Siblings won't be able to invade your most treasured secrets.  Pesky coworkers in your office won’t intrude on your privacy ever again.  The Shrinter® (hypothetically of course) is available in both strip cut and cross cut mode.  It even prints your documents in full color!  The Shrinter® uses a patented steel cutter ink dispersal system that shreds your documents as it prints- a never before heard of technology.  Simply print your files and watch as they appear completely shred and destroyed.  This machine seems to be most popular for those who overly value security and privacy.  The Shrinter® would make the perfect gift for your boss, coworker, or practical jokester.  

The Calendar Shredder:

If you are one of the millions of people that own a daily calendar, you may (like many) lag behind and forget to tear off each day.  Doubling as a wall clock and paper shredder, this hassle-free calendar shredder does the work for you!  Known as the Chrono Shredder and created by Susanna Hetrich, this time clock shredder is slick in appearance and persistent in operation.  Its simple red box made of powder coated metal holds days of the calendar and slowly shreds in real-time, every minute and second throughout the day.  This poses a solemn reminder to the user of just how fast a day can go by.  This strip cut model continuously shreds, leaving strands upon strands of days past lying in a heap on the floor.  Don’t want to bother with the hassle of cleaning up the endless strands of calendar debris?  For easy clean-up, place the calendar shredder over a trash can or dumpster and simply let the wasted days fall into the garbage.  The Chrono Shredder is decently sized and would fit perfectly anywhere on the wall of your home office or mailroom.  The constant reminder of wasted time could potentially inspire and motivate your workers.  This Chrono Shredder undoubtedly forces you to put the past behind you.

 

 

 

The Hamster Powered Shredder:

One complaint many shredder owners express is the aggravation and demand for a power outlet or batteries required to operate their shredder.  Luckily, Tom Ballhatchet has created the solution to electricity and battery free shredder operation!  All you need to power this compact shredder is a common and delightful house pet: a hamster!  The original Hamster Shredder combines standard cutting technology with the natural power of a strong and enthusiastic hamster.  Like the previous shredders we’ve reviewed in this article, there is not much information available detailing the inner workings of the Hamster Shredder.  From what we have gathered from the picture, it seems that both food and water are the magic switches that activate the shredding capability.  Speed varies upon the amount of encouragement your hamster receives.  Warning symbols do indicate and advise that this shredder is only meant for paper.  The Hamster Shredder hits two birds with one stone, destroying your sensitive files and recycling bedding perfect for your hamster’s cage!  Although the Hamster Shredder does not seem very practical, it is fun, innovative, and provides a great workout for your potentially plump hamster.

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